Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
