So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
