Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
