I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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