sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
