the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
