Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
