I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
