he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
