My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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