Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
