watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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