her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
