I love black thongs
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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