I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
