dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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