Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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