Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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