If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
