I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
