There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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