dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
