Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
