i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
