Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
