it wasn't lemon gatorade
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
