Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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