He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
