I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
