whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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