Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
