god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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