I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
