Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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