for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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