Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
