Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
