evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
