he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
