There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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