umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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