How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
