Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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