we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
