Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
