We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
