Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
