The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
