Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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