I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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